www.kingfiction.com

[Sara King]

Some questions to get you started:

Favorite character/least favorite character?
Favorite scene/least favorite scene?
Did you like/dislike the title?
Which parts need more detail?
Any names or terms you didn't like or thought could be more creative?
Did any scenes drag on too long? Were any too short?
Did I start the novel in the right place?
Where do you want to see it go from here?

I'll start asking more specific questions once I've got a better idea of what I need to work on.

Thanks for reading!

-Sara King

[Machello]

I would not mind Anna being taken down a notch or two, or several.
_________________
Carpe deim, seize the day

[Xevolar]

It's hard to take a super-genius down a notch, though.

[Machello]

True, unless there is someone more intelligent.
_________________
Carpe deim, seize the day

[Sara King]

Or someone who's been around the block a few more times...



I'm delighted at how quickly everyone has read and gotten back to me, and I've already gotten some great comments on Part 1 so far. One of them is that the first scene needs to have some actual bad stuff happen to the eggers in order to increase tension, because right now it seems like a High School cafeteria. I've got some good ideas on this, and will be rewriting it promptly.

Another is the timeline: Joe's confrontation with Geo seems out of place where it is, so I am going to be moving it to the forefront, as well as maybe showing a little action (him getting through the Yolk blockade) to give us a better taste of his character. Also, a "Three Years Later" designation between his scene and Magali's scene would help sort it out a bit more.

So, ya'll wanna know what happens between Tatiana and Milar, eh?

Very good reviews on Ferris so far. This is great news

Awesome critiques! Keep 'em coming!

-Sara King

[Sara King]

Okay, a lot of people are emailing me with really good points. Here's a couple more that deserve attention:

Magali felt a little 2-D. I had this nagging suspicion as I wrote it that there was something wrong with Magali's POV, but I wasn't sure what it was. Here's a reader's ideas on what she needs:

"Maybe you can find a way to sneak in a little more of her personal history, what makes her the way she ist, why she is putting up with Anna. Does she just have a kind heart, or is it that siblings must be taken care of? Maybe there was an experience between Anna and Magali when they were younger that ties them together a bit more than normal sisters? Did Magali's mother maybe tell her to take real good care of Anna once, as she is something special?
Don't know if or how this would fit in, but it may explain Magali's position and make her more understandable to the reader."

Anyone else have any ideas on this?

Also, another great point that was made was that the reader was curious where Tatiana is going to go from here because she seems a little far out there. Where do you think she should go? I've got a lot of ideas on this (some of which are really turning out excellent) but I'd still like to hear anyone's thoughts. Who knows...you might change the course of the book!

I'm currently looking at 60,820 words on my Word document, about twice as much since the the first mailing. HOWEVER, most of that is one POV and I need to work in some other character POVs in there before I'm ready to send out the next wave.

Oh, and I'm adding a bad guy Any requests?

-Sara King

[Machello]

How about someone who can match wits with Anna?.
_________________
Carpe deim, seize the day

[Sara King]

Holy hell, you're right.

I've been going at the bad guy angle from the wrong direction. Anna's the rebels' biggest ace up the sleeve right now. If there was a way to counter her...

MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Ahem. I mean...

Thank you

-Sara King

[Moonwalker]

Cool idea, the bad guy. Maybe he could be someone suave, elegant, slithery (I hope you get my meaning) as opposed to Anna's being bratty, loud, careless and disarmingly direct.
I don't know, for some reason I picture him like the devil in the movie "End of Days" with Schwarzenegger. Very aloof, self-assured, and conscious of his almost endless power. And he loves to hear himself talk.

[Machello]

I agree that the bad guy should be Anna's opposite in some of the ways you said; Aloof, confident, conscious of his power. On the last one I would not entirely agree, to a point it would work but I think that making him to full of him self and yet still be a strong enemy of Anna's might not work as well, it might but I think that if he was over-confident or arrogant Anna would have little trouble out witting him. Just my opinion.
_________________
Carpe deim, seize the day

[Moonwalker]

Good point. I would like to emphasize the following though:

Arrogant, yes - I believe it should be part of an evil character. I thinks it´s a necessary ingredient, arrogance in thinking that they cannot lose, ever.

Over-confident, no - the general portrayal may at times be similar, but arrogance is certainly not the same as over-confidence, and it is the writer´s job to distinguish between the two and paint either one or the other, according to the character´s traits. In this case I do believe there should be no over-confidence. This type of person is too smart and scheming to be over-confident.

Let´s wait and see where Sara is going with the guy(or gal?). After he is developed is when we can comment about the impressions we have.

[Sara King]

Whoops, sorry, haven't checked the forum for a few... But the bad guy's thrown a wrench in everything. A large part of what I'm going to be working on for the next couple days is giving him a suitable POV. The problem as I see it is that I need a bad guy that is powerful enough to shape the course of the book, but not so powerful that he is distanced from ever having direct contact with any of the protagonists.

Let me use Firefly as an example. (For any of you who have not watched Firefly or Serenity, now is the time to correct yourselves...)

In Firefly, the bad guy is an assassin. Usually, an assassin has a very limited amount of power, since they're usually someone's lackey, right? Well, in order to make this guy a true antagonist in Serenity, Joss Whedon had to take the assassin and give him added powers (like command of an entire fleet of ships, when it was necessary). Access to all government information, was another.

I was THINKING of following in Joss Whedon's footsteps with an assassin with added powers, but I'm not sure that's the way I should go. I'm kind of sort of leaning towards a sort of government auditor, sent to the planet to figure out where the government is messing up and correcting it accordingly. But that still leaves the question of how the antag and the protags ever come into direct contact.

Another possibility is having the antag head up a Nephyr unit, but I'm shying away from that one for some reason, probably because the leader of a Nephyr unit is just taking orders from someone higher up, so it's hard to make him a true antagonist unless he's going rogue and making his own moves. (This is actually an interesting idea, now that I consider it...)

But I do like the idea of arrogance. Especially if the arrogance doesn't get him in trouble until maybe the very end (take Robin Hood, for example. GOD that was a good antagonist. Or Hannibal Lecter. Oh baby.)

Anyway, it is all tumbling around in there while I chew my cud and give the screen my bovine stare. Thanks for all the input!

-Sara King

[lightworker]

I think maybe you have made changes all ready since its been 3 years?

I also wanted more understanding of Anna and it seems towards the end of Book 1 we are begining to get that. Also, Ferris is becoming that counter part everyone is talking about? I am really looking forward to Book 2 expanding on Anna.

It's funny for me Ferris is like a piece of furninture in the story. You're right, I would love to see him/his character develop and be more than just a computer. I know he is given free will but somehow I don't feel the depth of character has come yet.

I find it near impossible to beieve Milar is a virgin and I have some confusion (maybe I missed something) didn't he torture and rape earlier in the story? Somehow (for me) the story hasn't explained this.

That said, I loved this Book! I can't pick out a favorite character because I like the development of all of them.


The idea of Alien races existing seems like a fact to me and I have to admit I believe that we may meeting some of our fellow universe inhabitants if not in my life time, soon. So how they might look and the nature of their culture, your story encourages unrestricted thought in this direction.

Sara thank you for a great read!
_________________
Love, light and laughter,
Terri

[Sadie Styx]

Well, the first thing I have to say is it's 12:24am - my bedtime was 8:49pm yesterday...the only reason I am still awake is your story.

Kudos!But that does mean my review will be a little short for this moment.

Favorite character/least favorite character?
My fave character is Milar - most pleasing, methinks! I do love the dichotomy of his personality: he's a bit of a brute and got turned all cold and nasty by nearly becoming a Nephyr, and initially I was quite happy for him to die or be disposed of - I was eying up Patrick for lead male - BUT then Milar's little snotty princess can turn him soft and teddybeary ah glee... They'd better have a romping good sex scene before too long - end PLENTY of tasty tension before then. But not Mills & Boone *gag*.


Where do you want to see it go from here?

Somewhere - anywhere! Onwards


I really really disliked Magali throwing Ben over the edge, especially when all she wants to do is be a mother - and he called her mother...my inner reader mourns him - he was so saveable!! He could have filled a very lonely place in her heart - and provided much literary tension in the meantime, her having to protect him all the way out of a very hairy existence - til she and Ben and Patrick could play happy families...

But then, I get extremely emotionally attached to silly things like characters - and I get very freaked by the fragility of children, having 2 small sons of my own already.

BTW, Joel needs to die. I'd save him (but I'd've saved Ben) - he wants to die to assuage his guilt over getting Magali's dad killed, and he likes her - and she belongs with Patrick - so Joel needs to die for her. Retribution and hopelessness, in a love she'll never fully return, cause she sold her soul to Patrick first.

(First loves are notorious for burning on in one's heart, no matter the ridiculousness of them or their circumstances - and I don't just mean in fantasy land).

I have been introduced to Loreena McKennit thanks to you - and listened to her for the first time, as I read this story - FABULOUS!

Goodnightzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz